im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize