I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
