I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I could fuck to npr.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize