Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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