This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
