I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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