At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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