She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize