is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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