found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
