I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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