peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
