Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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