just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
