Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
