If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
