I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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