puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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