Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
