my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
