I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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