it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
