I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
