i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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