why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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