I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
