I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
