Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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