Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
