In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize