I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize