I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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