I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
