JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
