You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize