I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
