i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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