He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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