I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
