3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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