I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
