Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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