You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
