just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
