Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
