Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
