the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
