Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize