I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
