Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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