i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
