watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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