need another drink. this is the easiest way
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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