i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
