I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
