Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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