Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
