yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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