Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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