I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
