did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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