just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize