OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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