i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
