If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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