Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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