The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
