i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
