i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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