my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize