I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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