I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
