What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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