I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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