Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
