5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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