apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
