his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
ttyl tear gas
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
