In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Alive.
So much puke
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
