I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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