I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think i got beer on your cat.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
