Nicole vs. Life
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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