wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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