apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
