he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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