His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
