The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
