I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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