You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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