I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Fuck appropriateness.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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