so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
