Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
