We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
