3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
even my farts smell like vagina
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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