well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
