i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
