Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This baby is an asshole
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
