Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
