You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
