Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I pour the whiskey from now on
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
