I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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