I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
