Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
