now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The uberlube is also flammable
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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