PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
