Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
