Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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