just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
