you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
