Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
